A Band-Aid handmaid in her teflon tank
Bernie bros beside her having a wank
Rose petal roundup riding the flank
Hillbilly handlers staking the bank
Captain America walking the plank
Zeitgeist Zamboni resurfacing rank
A generation now grown we were told not to spank
Participation trophies honed into shanks
At the Battle of the Bulge we waved our white Spanx
We won't birth a new nation by firing blanks
We are self righteous. We are ignorant. We write them all off as cranks
Now please, bow your heads and let us give thanks