This limp-along liberty gonna need to pick up the pace or it’ll find itself fighting its way out.

When you realize that it’s the magical thinking been enabling you to begin

Sing like everyone should hear… or like no one is listening? Wait… I just realized my singing satisfies both conditions… which is precisely the fuckinnnggg (your subconscious didn’t properly stress and stretch that last bit. Just sayin’) problem.

“It reminds people of Trump’s role in the insurrection.”

Dumbest politics-as-usual statement I’ve heard in a while.

Reminder to self: ingrown rewrites

Bee tee dubs, there are always wrong answers.

Had I a head full of sunshine, all the Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax I’ve been watching may have led to getting Kota, Luna and Moondeer to riff them trax complete with silhouette.

Unless I am mistaken (is there a more useless phrase?), it is still the American educational model to supress critical thinking in grade school to later cultivate it in college. Social media supplanting print introduces breaking changes to this model. The conversational reality gap is frightening.

Your friendly reminder that Gaza is smaller than San Jose.

How many of the conferences whose champion surely must be included in the bracket are flat out dissolving because what they call football simply is not what the SEC calls football? Hint: we know the ACC ain’t one (seems you can finish 13-0 in the ACC and get told to shove your thumb up your arse).

Just think, this time next year we will finally have an honest to goodness college football playoff that determines which team deserves to finish at the top of the table. (If you’re wondering who set the previous record, it was us… last year, when the committee decided to let TCU into the bracket).

Want to feel like a kid again? Modify the diameter of your toilet seat to be about an inch too wide.

Anyone else carrying a ten year average of one person per day when it comes to counting unique human faces that enter your airspace? I’d be surprised (but curious) to learn of anyone else who may have incidentally extracted themselves from society.

“Hello, my name is Jason. I am 46 years old and I just realized that mammals have the only males with balls (while pondering whether any other male animals pound nard cause they f$&kin’ know the pain one feels when either bell gets rung).”

“Hi, Jason. Welcome to FFS Anonymous.”

Pretty sure it is impossible to say “all things considered” without lying or lacking imagination to such a degree as to permanently bunk with the bless-your-heart bunch.

When you’ve put it in park caddy cornered across Oregon Expressway in order to hop out into the opposing two lanes of traffic to block for the little French Bulldog shooting straight for El Camino Real, paws pounding asphalt with everything he’s got, as if the crosswalk ahead were bookended by pylons… and you’ve done this 37 days after dropping 13K to repair the damn thing ‘cause Elon’s fucking cars are as fragile as his ego.

Y’all just wait for the shitshow ‘bout to start now we’ve politics-as-usualed this motherfucker for two years and our AG ceded constitutional care to fifty individual secretaries of state.

At some point, I may need to know how far in advance MST3K has been plot planning… so I can assess the brilliance of calling back the-mads-don’t-hear-rhyme in season 13’s The Bubble.

When it takes a good five minutes to recall the meaning of your own words. (In this case, every time the wind would blow one of my cameras would swear it saw someone or something. I was giving it shit until I thought I saw someone or something out the corner of my eye… but it was the wind.)

When all the animals are gone, man shall die of loneliness
Unless, before the day doth come, man hath devolved from phoniness

I just realized how many brainy but familiar proper nouns, the relations for which I’ve forgotten, I may muster… and that all those relations I’ve forgotten matter not in the slightest. With punchy language (make-up-ur-mind chars or less), what thoughts might I incept in our Post-News First World?

The word substitution I'm totally claiming as pre-Kota-class progress this morning:

…

What follows is the progress made on the rewrite of an essay from February 2021 that, once completed, shall comprise the book explaining all the sh$t some other f$&ker really oughta have figured out by now. Be better American intellectuals.

On Dragon Weaving

What I Suppose We'd Call the Preamble

Honestly, I haven't a clue why, in February of last year, I found myself pondering the web of dragon mythology that so ensnares the imagination of man. Of how the machinations of my mind materialized the path it would then travel, I've an even clumsier grasp. I believe there is something significant to be found within the folds of fumbled expression held by the essay I had composed. Now, a year later (finding myself in possession of more diversely and formidably equipped faculties), I shall recompose its art and prose, hoping to attain a composition that more capably communicates that which I have to say. It shall begin with a declaration. It shall end with an appeal. Two waypoints shall lie between the beginning and the ending. With a little luck, journey's end shall bring clarity to the both of us as to how and why the path was chosen.

Read More

You won’t have listened to the song… either of those times I linked it. We’ll go over what it all means once the fallout settles. This will be what we said.

Could we maybe stop leaning into the stupid by consistently prefacing common sense with “everyone agrees that what happened on October 7th was horrific”?