Ode to the Hiking Boot

Oh, hiking boot, you're dear to me
I'll take you marching through the sticks
And beneath the forest canopy
Should serpent coil sneakily
On yonder side of fallen tree
O'er which we step unknowingly
You tell that snake emphatically
That he can eat a bag of dicks

Oh, hiking boot, it's you alone
Supports me talofibular
When deep within a canyon grand
While traipsing towards the river sand
Past the cairns that mark the land
You disallow contort unplanned
From rolling step off rounded stone
T'would render ankle perpendicular

Oh, hiking boot, there's just one thing
Perhaps, for me, you could enlight
Equipping you, try as I might
All stepped in, heels locked just right
Drawn up laces, knotted bights
Now puzzled by recurrent plight
Why can't I, binding us with string
Befittingly figure how fucking tight